An Addict’s Spouse

What I am about to share with you, I share with permission from my husband of 45 years. He has now made public his sexual addiction, and he states that he now wants complete deliverance. To be perfectly honest, though, I have heard those same words come out of his mouth many times, but they were never followed up with action. Yet, he is now willing to talk about it publicly, and to have me talk about. So, this is a step of faith.

If you know anything about addiction, of any kind, you will know it is essential to recovery and to deliverance that the addict is honest, that he (or she) confesses the wrong, and that he (or she) seeks help. The more we hide it, the worse it gets. We need to talk about these things instead of pretending the elephant isn’t in the room. For, this is more prevalent than what we would like to imagine, and many lives are being impacted by this.

This is not about some sickness, though, as some people would have you to believe, unless you want to consider sin a sickness. The Bible makes no allowances for addiction (slavery, bondage) to sin. I just want to make that perfectly clear. Jesus Christ died on a cross that we might die to sin and live to righteousness, not that we might practice sin while claiming heaven as our eternal destiny (Gal. 5:19-21). Jesus said that if a man even looks at a woman with lust that he has committed adultery in his heart (Matt. 5:28).

And, my husband has known these truths, at least for the whole of our marriage, even though many times he pretends he is ignorant of them. As well, he professes to have believed in Jesus Christ since childhood. He even went to Bible college. He has, as well, been a Bible teacher, a deacon, a youth leader, and even a pastor, over the course of our marriage, and even before that. Yet, he has lived in sexual addiction probably 50 years or more. So, it isn’t that he didn’t know that what he was doing was wrong, or that he didn’t know the way out of it, because he did, but it is that he didn’t take the way out provided for him. He has admitted to this, too.

So, if you are a man, and if you have a close walk with the Lord, and you feel led of God to reach out to my husband, this is his blog: https://rdlove12.wordpress.com/. If not, I would still covet your prayers.

But, now, I want to talk about being the wife of an addict.

For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us, you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many. 2 Co. 1:8-11 NASB

My goal here is not to trash my husband. I have no desire to do that. I love him very much, which is why I am still with him. My goal is to see my husband set free from his sinful addiction, and for him to know true freedom in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Yet, my goal here is also to reach out to other women, like myself, who have husbands who are sexual addicts, and who have suffered in similar ways as I have, because of their husband’s sinful practices. I want them to know that they are not alone in this!

You see, it isn’t just the cheating, but it is the lying that hurts so much. And, it isn’t just the cheating and the lying, but it is the cheap shots, the cutting remarks, the false accusations, the deceptions, the manipulations, the childish temper tantrums, and the continual stomping on my heart whenever I try to help him out of his addiction, that really hurts. I can’t trust anything he says, either. And, that hurts, too. And, I know his body language, too, all too well, so I can pretty much tell whenever he is lying to me.

I cry a lot! Even, if it is just inside me. And, I pray a lot! And, I trust God to work his will in both of our lives. And, I thank the Lord, too, for all the encouragement, comfort, help, and counsel he has given to me over these years, which is what has seen me through these difficult times. I could not have ever made it without my Lord! I know that all too well! And, I also acknowledge that these difficulties have been instrumental in drawing me closer to my Lord and in giving me the passion I have for this ministry, and the compassion I have for those who are still trapped in sin.

But, compassion is not coddling the unrepentant. Compassion is what leads us to lead others out of slavery to sin. It is pure selfishness when we see someone trapped in sin and we do nothing, not even pray for them, but just walk away, because we don’t want to get our hands dirty, because their sins are just too messy for us. Yet, I know that if we warn someone and they don’t repent, it is not our fault, and the responsibility for their deliverance is on their shoulders, not ours.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Eph. 3:14-21 NASB

Amen! God has had to strengthen me so many, many times when I was hurting deeply, and even, at times, when I wanted to just give up. And, he has also shown his love to me in so many ways, that I would not even have ever imagined. He keeps encouraging me to hold on, and to not give up hope that my husband will be delivered, and that he will walk in freedom one day. I fear sometimes, though, that I will never see that day, and that I will die with our marriage still broken and my husband still in chains. And, that breaks my heart!

And, then God reminds me that HE is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that I ask or imagine (think), according to His power that works within me and you. I am only free, too, by the grace of God! And, I am only able to be strong and to keep doing what I do each day because of his love, his grace, his encouragement, his strength and his power at work within me.

For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.

For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Col. 1:9-14 NASB

This is my prayer for my husband, for myself, and for the church, the body of Christ, that we might all walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, and that, if any of us have not yet been delivered from bondage (addiction) to sin, that we would be rescued from the domain of darkness and transferred into the kingdom of Christ, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Amen!

My Cry For Mercy
An Original Work / October 31, 2013

Based off Psalm 86

Hear my prayer, Lord, I am needy.
Guard my life, for I’m devoted to You.
Save me! I’m Your servant.
You are my God. I trust in You.

O, Lord, have mercy on me,
For I call to You.
Bring joy to me, for to You
I will lift up my soul.

You are giving and forgiving.
You abound in love to all who
Call upon You. Hear my prayer, Lord.
Listen to my cry for mercy.

In days of trouble I call to You,
Knowing that You will
Do marvelous things,
Because You are my God.

Teach me Your way; I’ll walk in it.
In Your truth, Lord, You will guide me.
A pure heart, Lord, You will give me,
So that I may glorify You.

Turn to me, Lord, and grant
Strength to Your servant.
O, Lord, You are my help,
For You love and You comfort me.

Teach me Your way; I’ll walk in it.
In Your truth, Lord, You will guide me.
A pure heart, Lord, You will give me,
So that I may glorify You.

Monday, December 11, 2017, 11:00 a.m. – Thank you, Jesus, for what you led me to share this evening from your word and from my life. May you get all the glory, and may many lives be delivered from slavery to sin. Amen!

6 thoughts on “An Addict’s Spouse

    • Beehopper, praise the Lord that he is using my life situation to be a blessing to you at this time. The goal of me writing what I did was first of all to obey my Lord, and second of all to help encourage others who are going through difficult times. So, it is encouraging to me to know how God is using this. So, thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Amen!!! I think sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we can pray ourselves or someone out of a situation. It’s definitely, like you said, trusting God because He is above anything and everything we could possibly imagine, and He is strong enough to come through. I like to think of Esther, maybe there are reasons the time was not right until now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, God is strong enough. Amen! And, our trust has to be in him, and not in ourselves. And, yes, God has a timing for everything, and so we need to learn to wait on him, keep believing, and trust him with every aspect of our lives. He will accomplish his will and purposes, for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

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