March 1982
Reaching out and finding no one there,
I ran and hid myself, I know not where.
Fear had gripped my heart; I know not why.
I had the feeling as though I wanted to cry.
I talked, but no one listened.
I cried, but no one cared.
I called, but no one answered.
There wasn’t a soul there.
But, there was one who was there,
Someone who really cared;
Someone who loved me just as I am,
And all my burdens did bear.
That someone was You, Lord.
You loved me so much that You died
On the cross, my sins crucified,
In order that I might become alive.
As a child, I received You into my life,
And prayed for forgiveness of sin.
I prayed that simple prayer of faith,
“Lord Jesus, to my heart, come in.”
Through the years I learned more of You,
And to be more like You, I did strive.
The truth of Your words rang out so clear;
To my heart became so alive.
As a child, I yearned to have someone love me,
To hold me close in his arms;
Someone to watch over and protect me;
Someone to keep me from harm;
Someone who understood me,
Who would listen to all of my cares;
Who would put his loving arms around me,
And with me, all my sorrows would share.
That someone was You, Lord –
“A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”
When I put my faith and trust in You,
It was then I was able to find relief.
We’ve been through so much, Lord,
You and I.
If I had not You,
I would have wanted to die.
But You were always there.
You never left my side.
Your comfort and encouragement came,
As in You I did abide.
But what about the others?
They did not love me as You did.
They did not fully understand me,
And so from them I hid.
I hid behind a wall of fear;
The fear that they would reject me;
The fear that they did not see me as I really am;
The fear that they did not love me.
That wall of fear then became
So much a part of my life,
That I was not even aware of its presence,
And it caused me so much strife.
I wanted so much to be used of God
To help in the lives of others;
To help them to grow and mature,
Because they were my sisters and brothers.
I wanted so much for them to see
The love of Christ in me;
To see how much I really cared
About my Christian family.
But, all of my desires
Could not really be,
Because from this wall of fear,
I had not been set free.
Thank You, Lord, that you are faithful,
And in Your timing, You did see
That I would be delivered from this fear,
And I could claim that victory.
The wall is gone, and God is giving
A freedom to be me.
That wall of fear that was so present
Is now history!
But, since that fear of rejection
Was so much a part of my life,
It is a habit I have formed
That must be severed with a knife.
That knife has gone deep within,
And what is coming out is not pleasant.
But, as I give these fears to God,
He is giving, in return, a present.
That present is a gift of peace,
And a freedom to love others,
Despite the rejection I may feel
From my sisters and my brothers.
When I see the change that
He has worked in me,
I praise the Lord for all He’s done.
He has delivered, and brought victory!
So true and so glad!!!!
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Valerie, thank you. Yes, so glad for the freedom that we have in Christ Jesus, our Lord.
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We’ve all dealt with fear and also fear of rejection. The Lord has helped and is continuing all of us find our freedom and acceptance in Christ! Praise His Holy Name!
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Amen! Thank you for sharing that with me.
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❤
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Beautiful Sue, thank you for sharing. Continued grace and blessings.
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Thank you, Bruce. This was written right after I had had that situation with that pastor where he had told me that he thought I had not been crucified with Christ. So, I talked with my best friend, and after about a 2 hour long talk she told me that I had a spirit of fear, which the Lord confirmed, and so we prayed for God to deliver me, and he did.
But, then all kinds of memories of my childhood and all the abuse I had gone through began to surface, and a lot of that was stuff I thought I had forgotten but not really forgotten for it was just stuffed down inside my heart. And, now it was all coming out and I didn’t know what to do with it.
I have shared this testimony before, but to make a long story short, the pastor ended up apologizing to me for his false accusations against me and he came alongside me to help me to know what to do with these memories, which, in short, was to give them over to God, not bury them again, and so that is what the poem is about. And, that was in 1982.
Thank you for your comment. I appreciate it. I believe the Lord wanted me to share it to encourage others who might be battling with fear, too.
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Hi Sue, yes, I am aware of what transpired. It is scary when one considers what words can do to someone. I loved the pictures of you when you were younger (don’t we all). Fear and being mistreated are terrible things, which can take years for God to deal with in our lives. I’m glad you shared this, many need healing. How is Rick doing and how is your brother? Blessings!
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Bruce, thank you. Oh, my brother died on the 17th of November. He lost his battle with cancer. I have lost two siblings in the past five years. I have 2 remaining who I will get to see in two weeks when we will be celebrating my 70th birthday which is on December 31st.
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That’s never easy, sorry for your loss Sue. And just in case I forget, and a tad bit early, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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Bruce, thank you. I appreciate that.
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Bruce, you asked how Rick is doing. I am not going to answer for him, but I will share with you his blog post for today where he describes in his own words how he believes he is doing:
https://rdlove12.wordpress.com/2019/12/22/welcome-back/
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Hi Sue, thank you, I just saw if a few minutes ago. Blessings.
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You are welcome.
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This is a beautiful testimony!!
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Michelle, thank you. Glory to God.
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Wow! This is so beautiful💞
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Thank you, Krystal.
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I love you, Sue!
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I love you, too, Tosin! ❤
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Praise God! I’m so glad you got healing. Very beautifully and emotionally written.
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Thank you! I appreciate that. All glory to God!
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You’re welcome 😃
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This is beautiful! Thank you for the read!
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